Illuminati Unlimited: July 2008

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Top 10: Losingest Sports Cities

There’s nothing quite like living in Massachusetts these days: The Celtics are fresh off another NBA title, the Red Sox won the World Series in 2004 and 2007, and the Patriots are a modern dynasty. For every Boston, however, there are cities in which the fans would like to, just once, attend a championship parade.

In this list, we’re looking at the top 10 losingest sports cities -- those with the fewest championships in the four major sports, and only counting titles since the birth of the respective leagues -- NHL (1917), MLB (1903), NBA (1946), and NFL (1920). We’re only listing the losingest sports cities with at least two pro teams, and not counting titles in leagues that competed with our major four.

If a team won a championship and moved, we’re giving credit to the city in which the title was won. In the event of a tie, we’re counting the total number of years each city’s teams have been in existence. Lastly, we’re taking win totals up to the end of 2007.

Here’s a look at the top 10 losingest sports cities in the major leagues

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Houston doctors say they may have found a way to destroy HIV

Dr. Paul and Dr. Miguel Escobar aren’t talking about just suppressing HIV – they’re talking about destroying it permanently by arming the immune system with a new weapon lab tests have shown to be effective.

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How To: Survive Jail

If Paris Hilton can learn how to survive jail (even if she did try to escape on day four), then you sure as hell can. Whether you’re going in for a driving offense akin to Hilton’s, shaming yourself by pulling a Hugh Grant with a prostitute in the back of your SUV or pulling a Winona Ryder in Saks after you saw something you just couldn’t live without, then you need to pay the price and learn how to survive jail like a man. So pull on that florescent orange jumpsuit, pose for your mugshot, make fast friends with your burly, tattooed cellmate, and -- whatever you do -- keep your back firmly against the wall.

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They're playing by the (new) rules

The forceout rule was changed at the owners' meetings in the offseason and now a receiver must have two feet inbounds on a catch.

It is one of six rule changes or additions, notably: the removal of the 5-yard incidental facemask penalty; instant replay implemented on field-goal and extra-point attempts; and teams can designate two defensive players to have radios in their helmets, although only one can be on the field.

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Win at the Carnival

Midways are notorious hives of scum and villainy. Impress the rubes, win the girl, and buy your kids love by emerging triumphant.

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7 Brilliant Building Conversion Projects: Superb Examples of Architectural Adaptive Reuse

Adaptive reuse used to be a tactic of necessity - people didn’t have the time, energy or money to build something new so they made the best with what they had. Today it is a way to stand out, make a statement, go bold and try something completely different. From airplanes, chapels and garages turned into houses to airplane hangers turned into tropical rain forest resorts, the possibilities are essentially endless.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

How Much Is Your Soul Worth?

You're a cold hearted evil bastard and you know it. Now you can find out just how valuable your sins are. If you are going to make a deal with the devil, you need an asking price.

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NFL gives Internet a butt-pat, offers live streaming games

Webcasting has officially made its way to the beer-and-football mainstream thanks to the National Football League, which has announced plans to stream live broadcasts of Sunday night football games this fall. These streams will be the first time the NFL's content is made widely available online, and the news means that the patented Madden "Boom!" will soon be coming to a laptop near you.

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8 People Who Will Ruin Your Party

Throwing a party is a lot of work, so it’s a real disappointment when somebody you invited ruins it. Here’s 8 types of people to watch out for before you make your next invite list.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Royal Marriages That Didn’t Go So Well

Christian VII of Denmark and Princess Caroline Matilda of Great Britain

This one is for you Chris. Just follow the "LINK"

Today marks the anniversary of the day Prince Charles and Princess Diana got married in a lavish ceremony 27 years ago. As we all know, that didn’t turn out so well. But their marriage was only one in a long, Royal line of decidedly not happily-ever-afters. Here are a few other royal marriages that Disney probably won’t be making into a cartoon anytime soon.

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Forrest Gump: How to Build Your Self-Confidence

I’m ceaselessly amazed to witness the brightest people with the highest IQs living mediocre lives at best while those with an IQ of 75 achieve things beyond our wildest imagination. The secret lies in these two words — Self-Confidence.

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The Science of Sniffing Out Liars

Armed with a doctorate in physiological psychology, Eric Haseltine has explored the boundaries of perception and illusion in commercial projects ranging from flight simulators for Hughes Aircraft to virtual reality and special effects for Disney theme parks. After the events of 9/11, he became engaged in the study of a different kind of illusion: the shadowy world of international espionage. He headed research and development for the National Security Agency in 2002, and in 2006 he was named associate director for science and technology for the Office of the Director of National Intelligence. One of his responsibilities involved research on how to extract information from people during interrogation and how to determine whether the information is valid. Now an independent contractor who calls himself a “technology futurist,” Haseltine divulges as much as he can about deception detection.

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SO WHICH WOMAN HAS THE PERFECT BODY?

OK ladies, prepare to be amazed.

We asked thousands of you to tell us what you think about your body – which bits you like, which bits you don’t, and what you’d change if you could.

Just to make things fair, we asked the men too. And when the results came in, shock waves rippled through Fabulous HQ.

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The Good, the Bad, and the Grizzly

Before visiting Yellowstone National Park or “bear country” familiarize yourself with safety precautions in order to avoid bear encounters. “Run for your life” may seem like common sense if a grizzly approaches you, but such action is highly unlikely to foil an attack. The recommended steps are not easy to follow, but they offer the best chance for survival. Here’s what the experts say:

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So it’s not the end of the world

Over the years, a lot of people have predicted the end of the world, and thus far, a lot of people have had egg on their faces. We’re glad they were wrong, because now we get to make fun of them forever. Here are eight of our favorite doomsayers:

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The Way of the Sheep by Markus Neidel

You’ll never count sheep again to sleep after you see this nightmarish (yet fascinating) drawing, titled The Way of the Sheep, by German art student Markus Neidel.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

10 Weird and Unusual Cars

These are great. I want the Becker Jet Van and the Fiat Jolly Panda.

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7 Rip-Off Tip-Offs

Stop right there. Put your money away. A lot of people are after your cash, and you, quite understand_ably, would like to hold on to as much of it as you can. It won't be easy: Last year, Americans frittered away more than $1.2 billion on dubious deals, an average of $2,057 for every consumer, according to the Federal Trade Commission. How do you tell the bargains from the boondoggles? Here's a look at seven offers that often don't pay off, plus smart ways to save your hard-earned money.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Why is it So Hard to Wake Up in the Morning?

It’s not necessarily laziness that makes people hit the “snooze” button in the morning. Most likely, your body clock is mismatched with the demands of your life.

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The rise and fall of an American beer

Before it was bought by Belgium's InBev, Budweiser trampled local breweries across this land. Who's crying in their (piss) beer now?

By Edward McClelland

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The 10 Wimpiest Team Names in Sports

The topic of choice this week is the "Top 10 Wimpiest Team Names in Sports."

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The Best Tech Tools and Fitness Plans to Get in Shape

If there's one thing geeks and non-geeks alike all share, it's an aversion to exercise. No matter how much you'd like to slim your waistline and lose the belly, it's difficult to find a workout routine that not only works, but one that fits your needs and is easy to stick to. Over the years we've covered several fitness plans along with free and cheap technology to help you get in shape and stick to a training plan, and I've used many of these tools to help run two marathons. Read on for a look at the most simple yet effective plans we've covered—along with the best tech tools to help you get and stay in shape. Photo by luiginter.

This isn't a "How to lose 200 pounds in a year" article, but it could be. Despite the proliferation of diet plans and expensive exercise equipment, the key to fitness is and always will be healthy eating, portion control, and a solid exercise routine. (But, a solid exercise routine need not be hard or expensive.) Here are some of the tips and tools we've covered at Lifehacker over the years, many of which I use regularly.

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The 10 Greatest Misspelled Tattoos

Misspelled tattoos. The "CHITONW" tattoo got a bunch of press a few months ago--it was so outrageously bad that afterward a bunch of people got it on purpose in ironic solidarity. What else has been misspelled, permanently, on someone's body? Unfortunately, I bet a lot of people don't come forth. STET. Here are my favorites:

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Chuck Liddell's Bar-fighting Tips

Chuck Liddell didn't learn how to brawl in the Ultimate Fighting Octagon. In his memoir "Iceman," Liddell describes maneuvers he picked up in a karate studio, the local alley and several bars.

Although Liddell doesn't approve of slugging it out when you've got a few shots under your belt, he worked for years as a bartender, and breaking up fights came with the job description.

While Liddell admits he likes to fight, he also tries to avoid it. Stopping a shoving match might begin with the best of intentions, but everything changes when you get smacked in the jaw.

Bar-fighting and Ultimate Fighting require different tactics. Liddell doesn't recommend bar-fighting, ever, but if you have to defend yourself, his suggestions might just save your sweet cheeks.

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7 Essential Cheat Sheets To Download

Ever wanted to master the keyboard shortcuts and get more productive on the web? Here is everything you need - 7 quick cheat sheets for some of the most widely used tools on the web. Download, print and stick them somewhere near your desk.

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This cartoon wrote a sweary word on your toilet wall.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

In Japan, Buddhism May Be Dying Out

“That’s the image of funeral Buddhism: that it doesn’t meet people’s spiritual needs,” said Ryoko Mori, the chief priest at the 700-year-old Zuikoji Temple here in northern Japan. “In Islam or Christianity, they hold sermons on spiritual matters. But in Japan nowadays, very few Buddhist priests do that.”

Mr. Mori, 48, the 21st head priest of the temple, was unsure whether it would survive into the tenure of a 22nd.

“If Japanese Buddhism doesn’t act now, it will die out,” he said. “We can’t afford to wait. We have to do something.”

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PERHAPS 60% OF TODAY'S OIL PRICE IS PURE SPECULATION

The price of crude oil today is not made according to any traditional relation of supply to demand. It’s controlled by an elaborate financial market system as well as by the four major Anglo-American oil companies. As much as 60% of today’s crude oil price is pure speculation driven by large trader banks and hedge funds. It has nothing to do with the convenient myths of Peak Oil. It has to do with control of oil and its price. How?

Click here and read on.

Write, call or smoke-signal your Representatives and Senators today and suggest that they read the June 2006 report by The U. S. Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations entitled, “The Role of Market Speculation in Rising Oil and Gas Prices.” Then demand that they investigate and then force the Bush Administration to firmly regulate the computerized oil futures contracts trading in New York, London and Dubai.

The 10 Drunk People You Don't Want To Meet At The Bar

You probably despise them when you bump into one on a night out, but they are a bountiful source of entertainment. Only if you like making fun of other people's misfortunes, that is. These 10 social trainwrecks ensure your night out is anything but dull. The 10 people you don't want to meet at the bar make you feel that much better about yourself. Maybe you're being paid $11 an hour and wrote a bad check to the liquor store so that you have enough Popov for the weekend, but hey, at least you aren't one of these douchetastic species.

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18 Common Phrases to Avoid in Conversation

Some things should never be said. Here, how to avoid putting your foot in your mouth — and what to use instead

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Dark Knight Shift: Why Batman Could Exist--But Not for Long

Batman is the most down-to-earth of all the superheroes. He has no special powers from being born on a distant world or bitten by a radioactive spider. All that protects him from the Joker and other Gotham City villains are his wits and a physique shaped by years of training—combined with the vast fortune to reach his maximum potential and augment himself with Batmobiles, Batcables and other Bat-goodies, of course. In the 2005 blockbuster Batman Begins, vengeful Bruce Wayne (played by Christian Bale) hones his killer instincts in the streets for seven years before landing himself in a Bhutanese prison, where he falls in with the mysterious League of Shadows, who teach him the way of the ninja. The Dark Knight, the next movie in the Batman franchise, opens in theaters Friday. To investigate whether someone like Bruce Wayne could physically transform himself into a one-man wrecking crew, ScientificAmerican.com turned to E. Paul Zehr, associate professor of kinesiology and neuroscience at the University of Victoria in British Columbia and a 26-year practitioner of Chito-Ryu karate-do. Zehr's book, Becoming Batman: The Possibility of a Superhero (The Johns Hopkins University Press), due out in October, tackles our very question. An edited transcript of the conversation follows.

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Who Needs MPGs?

We Americans are no strangers to weird measurements. In metric-friendly countries, water freezes at 0 and boils at 100. In America, there are twelve inches in a foot and 5280 feet in a mile; breakdowns that are a little tough to wrap your head around compared to the powers-of-ten-tastic metric system. Our MPGs are an equally confusing measure. Treehugger recently blogged that the relationship between the amount of gas consumed by a vehicle and its MPG rating isn’t linear … it’s curvilinear. I suck at math, but a quick look at this graph made the distinction fairly clear:

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Gangsters: They Don’t Make ‘Em Like They Used To

Getting sucked into television marathons happens more than I’d like to admit. America’s Next Top Model will suck me in every time if I don’t have a really good reason to be pulled away from the T.V. But a couple of weekends ago, I had so many marathons to choose from I didn’t know what to do with myself. I ended up watching bits and pieces of What Not to Wear, The Twilight Zone, Most Evil and something on the History Channel about Depression-era gangsters. I know! I should have been outside. But in my defense, it was a very nasty, humid weekend. At least a couple of the shows were educational - I found the gangsters documentary oddly fascinating, and thought that you guys would too. Here’s what I learned:

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Around the World In Pizza Time

Americans definitely love pizza (eating 350 slices of it per second) and although it originated in Italy, we have certainly taken it and ran with it. If we could bastardize the Italian tradition by adding things like pineapple and barbecue sauce, then what have other cultures done to further alter the face of pizza as we know it?

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Contrariwise: Literary Tattoos

Tattoos from books, poetry, music, and other sources. Quite a bit of Slaughterhouse-Five... “Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.”

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The Nine Best Natural Medicines for Depression

I am very passionate about helping people with depression using naturopathic medicine. Alternative medicines, herbal medicines, nutritional therapies, diet, and lifestyle are wonderful complementary approaches to addressing depression over the long haul.

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The 10 Machines You Must Avoid at Your Gym

Defenders of stationary equipment argue that machines are designed to limit what you can do wrong. But seated machines often put heavier loads on the back and joints than is necessary, and almost always miss the mark when it comes to replicating the movements found in everyday life, according to Ultimate Back Performance and Fitness, by Stuart McGill, PhD, a professor of spine biomechanics at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario. For this list of exercises, we consulted McGill; Nicholas DiNubile, MD, author of FrameWork: Your 7-Step Program for Healthy Muscles, Bones, and Joints; and trainer Vern Gambetta, author of Athletic Development: The Art & Science of Functional Sports Conditioning.

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Banned Ads -- Selling Products with Too Much Sizzle

Our curiosity about the risqué led us to compile a gallery of banned ads to see if they violate our readers' standards. For a few, the biggest shock may be that these ads were banned in the first place.

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10 signs it might be time to quit your job.

Often, the hardest part about quitting your job is figuring out if and when you should go. Having been through this many times, I’ve picked out some of the fail-safe warning signs.

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12 Awesome 80’s Movies That Are Perfect

The 80’s were a decade of decadence, with everything being bigger, crazier, and more over the top. It was the beginning of the age of insanity, and yet somehow, out of the midst of all of the big crazy hair and drug use and Reaganomics, a few gems that could withstand the test of time were born. Even if the hair and clothes change, some things just stay perfect.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

How to Win (or Avoid) a Bar Fight

At some point in your life you are likely to find yourself a participant in a bar fight. These altercations occur for various reasons, but can usually be attributed to some drunken chump who couldn't keep his mouth shut, couldn't take 'no' for an answer, or couldn't handle the fact you just snatched up his lady's digits while he was peter-gazing in the urinal. Regardless of whether or not that drunken chump is you, it is all about self preservation. Here are some tips for surviving such a confrontation or avoiding it altogether.

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Ancient 'Dead Sea' Stone Tablet Predates & Might Rewrite the Bible

A three-foot-tall tablet with 87 lines of Hebrew found near the Dead Sea in Jordan that scholars believe dates from the decades just before the birth of Jesus is raising eyebrows in biblical and archaeological circles, especially because it is believed to speak of a messiah called Simon who will rise from the dead after three days, suggesting that the story of Christ's death and resurrection was not unique but part of a recognized Jewish tradition at the time.

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Unsexy Moments in the History Of Modern Art

Whether it's a nude sculpture of Britney Spears in the throes of labor, or just an enormous painting of a sad, naked old man, sometimes everything that may be interesting and profound about a work takes a backseat to its scrotum-shriveling lack of sex appeal. So in the interest of letting you know what to avoid, we've collected some of the unsexiest artwork we could find.

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Top 10 Modern Life Survival Skills

Avoid everyday problems and modern mini-calamities by arming yourself with the right know-how before you head out into the world. Locking yourself out of your apartment, losing your car in the Gargantu-Mart lot, standing lost on a city street corner—you can overcome almost any day-to-day disaster with some clever thinking and a bit of knowledge. We've compiled some of our favorite tricks that can make any Average Joe/Jane feel like a regular commando at work, at home, or on the go. Hit the link for a list of our top 10 non-computer modern life survival skills.

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Porn on the Fourth of July

We all know a recession looms. But with corners being cut—and the writing bucks increasingly hard to come by—I've still got two big skills with a stable market value: boobs and the ability to dispense booze. That's why when I was invited to work as a topless bartender at a Fourth of July bash, I said yes. What better way to boost America's flagging economy (and fill my own coffers) than by stimulating the libidos of a few drunken revelers?

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Nasa Backtracks on 1998 Warmest Year Claim

Now we have the great consensus of Global Warming and NASA backtracking on claims that 1998 was the warmest year on record.
First let me tell you what I find disturbing on this. This story has been out since August of 2007, almost a year, and you don't hear a peep from CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, the Weather Channel or the granddaddy of News Monopolies, the Associated Press. The second thing that I find disturbing is how the Global Warming Alarmists are always talking about the fact that the studies on Anthropogenic Global Warming have all been peer reviewed for errors and if there was a problem, one of the thousands upon thousands of scientists would find and catch any errors.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Ever seen a depressed dog?

The Urge to End It All

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem,” Albert Camus wrote, “and that is suicide.”

Then there is the most disheartening aspect of the riddle. The National Institute of Mental Health says that 90 percent of all suicide “completers” display some form of diagnosable mental disorder. But if so, why have advances in the treatment of mental illness had so little effect? In the past 40 years, whole new generations of antidepressant drugs have been developed; crisis hotline centers have been established in most every American city; and yet today the nation’s suicide rate (11 victims per 100,000 inhabitants) is almost precisely what it was in 1965.

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3 Tips for Surviving the Witness Protection Program

Created by the Organized Crime Control Act of 1970, the Witness Protection Program (WPP) does exactly what the movies say—it hides witnesses from vengeful thugs by giving them new identities (not to mention $60,000 a year in subsistence payments, one reasonable job opportunity, and—of course—psychological counseling). Since its inception, some 17,000 people have participated in the system, and no one who’s followed the program guidelines has ever been killed. With that in mind, we’ve provided this helpful list of “don’ts” guaranteed to make your WPP moving adventures a little more pleasant.

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Who Owns What on Television?

All those hundreds of TV channels may lead you that there’s a true diversity and variety in today’s television … but you’d be wrong. A handful of large companies control what you see, hear, and read every day.

Let’s take a look at who owns what on television - here are the TV channels owned by 6 of the largest companies in media, as depicted by their logos:

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